Divorce the Lawyer and Marry your Relationship

***A short guide to staying together 'til the end of your days***

Most people are able to handle circumstances and issues that are common in marriages and come out with little or no emotional war wounds. But, for the rest us, divorce lawyers are marital referees to help sort out our battles, personal possessions and finances. It gets ugly! With that being said, you want to avoid going beyond breaking points and pushing buttons. Because whoever said 'parting is such sweet sorry" lied. Nothing is sweet about it. So to keep the bling on ring finger-read on!


Lesson 1
***Stop Throwing Verbal Darts***
"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks"...Fueled by anger, we can say some pretty nasty things to one another that is extremely hurtful. Verbally pitching a low blow is a major no-no. Targeting sensitive areas in a argument can result in you being untrustworthy. This may affect open communication if the relationship is reconciled and the person is less likely to confide in you.  Most of us were taught to forgive, but is hard to forget. So it's just best to avoid name calling (scream fest) and stabbing each other with your words. Trust- it's just free entertainment for the neighbors.

Lesson 2
***Know When to Close the Vents***
Some things are better left unsaid in a marriage. Being each other support system is a superb practice. But the constant nagging, negativity and whining is a physical drain. Its okay to vent about how your day went or complain about a wrong personal action. Just don't make it a routine habit. It spoils the mood and soften the rock in your relationship. Unloading daily can lead to a negative outlook on everything. Leaning on your spouse constantly will eventually have them seeking support elsewhere. I'm not saying bottle your problems, (speak your peace)... but don't necessarily dump everything on them either. Seek other outlets that can absorb negativity...personally, while driving I talk to myself out loud. Its my therapy and I save my husband from trivial unwanted burdens.

Lesson 3
****Stress Kills Sex***
By the time most divorce cases reach a desk, sex is no longer relevant. Couples tend to treat marriage like a business...pencil you in here, plan a date there. Wrong! You have to make time and have fun with one another, otherwise someone is bound to party elsewhere. In my opinion, lack of intimacy main villain is STRESS. If you're not careful, it'll sneak up on you and before you know it sharing time with your spouse has lost its luster. Working and paying bills is important, but you have to maintain a level of romanticism. This is a crucial key element to staying happily married. I once read successful people have the most and best sex.

Lesson 4
***Learn & Date Your Spouse***
Our interest changes over time. What we may find boring our spouse may see it just the opposite. Keep it fresh and reconnect. Continually learn about each other, explore and embrace each's differences. But don't be an attention hog by placing rank. For instance, what you want to do is much more creative than your spouse's idea. Keep the playing ground equal while learning to compromise. See score; 2 in 1! My husband & I make it a priority to go out. Laughing, reconnecting- we became best friends. It was a remarkable transformation in our lives; for we were at each other's throats.  We had to learn to make time, while reconditioning our thought pattern. Being selfish and not humbling yourself deteriorates the marriage at a much faster rate. Learn to reminisce. It could be an energizing experience for you both. And who knows what sparks may ignite.

Lesson 5
***Unnecessary Weight Gain***
No, this has nothing to do with your waist line. Although, health is of great importance. Anyway, this is about holding grudges, emotional build up and letting it over take you to the stage of the final breaking point in your marriage. If your spouse has done something to piss you off and you shrug it off , but hold on the residual anger....the relationship can get quite explosive. If it bugs you-speak up! Don't wait days, months or years later to use as ammo in your next disagreement. Be civil, stay calm and make that person aware of how their actions or words affect you. Nine times out of ten...the person has no idea what just happened and more likely will apologize for their mistakes. Talk it over, practice conquering little problems. If it's handled in the present so it won't be part of an haunting past.